‘We just can’t go back’: How one mom dramatically cut her family’s technology use
We just can’t go back: How one mom cut her family’s tech reliance
Dr. Kara Alaimo, a communication professor at Fairleigh Dickinson University, works with parents, students, and teachers to navigate screen time. Her 2024 book, Over the Influence: Why Social Media Is Toxic for Women and Girls — And How We Can Take It Back, highlights the challenges of balancing technology use. Many parents feel their children resist limits on tech, but Dr. Michaeleen Doucleff, a science journalist based in Alpine, Texas, argues that this is not inevitable. Her 2024 publication, Dopamine Kids: A Science-Based Plan to Rewire Your Child’s Brain and Take Back Your Family in the Age of Screens and Ultraprocessed Foods, offers a solution.
The science behind tech addiction
Parents often struggle to control their kids’ screen time, but Doucleff suggests it’s possible. She explains that the dopamine system is not about pleasure—it’s about desire. The 1950s science that linked dopamine to happiness has been revised over the past three decades. Instead, dopamine drives our urge to pursue what we need to survive, like water on a hot day. In modern times, activities like social media, video games, and ultraprocessed foods trigger this system, creating a cycle of craving and reward.
“Dopamine is not the pleasure molecule. It gives us the feeling of wanting, not being happy. The key to a fulfilling life is feeling like you matter to others.”
Why social media feels addictive
Doucleff notes that social media platforms exploit our fundamental need for connection. They promise social support but fail to deliver it. Over time, this can leave children feeling more isolated. Studies show that prolonged use of these platforms may reduce a child’s sense of belonging, even as they continue to engage. The constant pursuit of validation through screens can overshadow real-world interactions.
Redirecting kids without conflict
Traditional parenting advice often focuses on removing devices, but Doucleff claims this approach is outdated. Modern behavioral psychology emphasizes replacement over restriction. For example, she eliminated Netflix and YouTube after dinner, which once led to nightly battles. Instead, she introduced activities her daughter longed for, like learning to ride a bike to the market. This shift not only reduced screen time but also fulfilled her child’s need for adventure, offering a sense of accomplishment and joy.
By teaching kids new skills, parents can redirect their focus from screens to meaningful experiences. This method avoids conflict and helps children feel satisfied, proving that tech use doesn’t have to dominate family life. The conversation, lightly edited for clarity, underscores the importance of rethinking how we engage with technology in everyday routines.
