I Didn’t Want My Son to Have Stepsiblings — So I Had Another Baby with My Ex
A Mother’s Choice in a Blended Family
I didn t want my son – Sasha Goreshtein, 38, a paralegal from Montreal, made a personal decision that reshaped her family dynamics. After splitting from her boyfriend, Sasha Goreshtein, 38, decided to have another child with her ex-partner, despite their relationship being inconsistent for years. This choice wasn’t just about expanding her family; it was driven by a desire to provide her son, Zayn, three, with a sibling to grow up with. Her reasoning was rooted in her own experiences, highlighting how her relationship with her sister and best friend influenced her perspective on family structure.
“I have a sister I’m really close to and she’s my best friend,” Sasha explains. “I wanted Zayn to have another brother or sister to do life with.”
Blended families often navigate complex emotional landscapes, with children adjusting to new relationships and roles. Sasha felt that having a sibling would offer Zayn a sense of connection and shared experiences, something she believed was missing in their current setup. However, her decision wasn’t made lightly, as she had to weigh the potential challenges of maintaining a relationship with her ex while also focusing on her son’s needs.
The Strain of an Unstable Relationship
Sasha’s relationship with her boyfriend, Sasha Goreshtein, had been fluctuating for years. While they were still trying to work through their issues, she found herself pregnant after just six months of dating. Zayn was born in February 2023, and by the time he turned two, the pair had decided to part ways. Yet, Sasha admits that ending the relationship wasn’t straightforward. “When you have a child with someone, cutting contact is impossible,” she says. “So inevitably, we kept trying to make it work.”
Despite the uncertainty, Sasha remained committed to co-parenting with her ex. She credits him as a “truly incredible dad” who was consistently present and caring for their son. “I already knew I had a father for my child who was a great father,” she reflects. This confidence in her ex’s parenting abilities played a crucial role in her decision to pursue another child, even as their romantic relationship continued to evolve.
“Why go and take the risk of potentially meeting someone else if I don’t know what kind of person he will be?” Sasha adds. “I knew the kind of parent he was.”
Personal Priorities and the Weight of Time
As Sasha approached her 40s, she became increasingly aware of the ticking clock of her biological timeline. Her motivation to have a second child was as much about her own sense of completeness as it was for Zayn’s benefit. “I wanted to be a mother of two,” she explains. “But I also knew I was nearing 40 and couldn’t ignore the reality of my timeline.”
Her friend’s perspective further solidified this decision. The friend, an only child, often expressed feelings of isolation, believing no one fully understood her unique family dynamics. “Hearing her talk about how alone she felt really stayed with me,” Sasha says. “It made me think about how Zayn might experience things if he didn’t have a sibling.”
While her ex was a reliable parent, their romantic relationship was far from stable. Sasha and her partner had been giving their relationship another go in 2024 when they confirmed their plans for a second child. The decision came after a holiday in Greece, where they reflected on their shared goals. “We both wanted it, but I think I probably thought about it more than him,” she notes, emphasizing the emotional investment behind her choice.
Authenticity and the Journey of Self-Discovery
Sasha’s openness about her decision has sparked conversations around the authenticity of modern relationships. “I’m not the hush type,” she says. “In this unauthentic tech era, the least I can do is be transparent.” Her choice to have another child with her ex wasn’t impulsive but rather a result of deep consideration. She acknowledges that the path wasn’t without uncertainty, but the familiarity of her partner’s role as a father made it feel more secure.
While many people in blended families embrace the bonds of stepparents and siblings, Sasha wanted to ensure her son’s experience was different. She imagined a scenario where Zayn might have to move between households, spending time with his father and his half-sibling. “I kept picturing my son going from one house to another to visit his dad and visit his mum on his own,” she recalls. “That didn’t feel right for him.”
Rebuilding and the Impact of Choice
The couple’s decision to try again in 2024 was a testament to their resilience. Even as their relationship remained rocky, they chose to focus on their shared goals. Sasha’s perspective on family has evolved over time, shaped by both her personal experiences and the challenges of co-parenting. “It wasn’t just about having another child,” she clarifies. “It was about giving Zayn someone to grow up with, someone who would be a constant presence in his life.”
Her ex, now a father of two, has continued to support Zayn, and the new son, Leon, 13 months old, has brought a new dynamic to their lives. Sasha’s decision highlights the balance between personal desires and the well-being of her children. “I had to weigh a lot of different realities,” she says. “Could I have left, met someone new, and built a relationship from scratch? Of course. But there were so many unknowns in that scenario.”
“I didn’t know when I would meet someone. I didn’t know if we’d want the same things. And I didn’t know what kind of father that person would be,” Sasha explains. “What I did know was the father of my son. He showed up for his child, and I trusted that.”
Sasha’s journey reflects the complexity of modern parenthood. While some may view her decision as a compromise, she sees it as a deliberate choice rooted in love and stability. “It wasn’t about taking the easy route,” she says. “It was about ensuring Zayn had the kind of sibling relationship I wanted for him.” Her story also underscores the importance of communication in relationships, even when they’re not perfect.
For Sasha, the outcome of her decision has been both rewarding and challenging. The addition of Leon has brought new joy to their household, but it has also required ongoing effort to maintain a harmonious family environment. Her experience serves as a reminder that family structures can be as diverse as the people within them, and that the priority for many parents is creating a supportive, loving space for their children, no matter the circumstances.
As she continues to navigate her role as a mother, Sasha remains committed to transparency and authenticity. “I’ve never been one for secrets,” she says. “Even if others might not understand, I believe in being honest about my choices. That’s the kind of person I like to follow—someone who’s clear about their intentions and values.” Her decision to have another child with her ex is a testament to that philosophy, blending personal conviction with the best interests of her son.
