I’m a non-binary nanny – a four-year-old is my biggest LGBT ally
I m a non binary nanny – When I first met Ana*, a four-year-old with an unshakable sense of self, I wasn’t sure how to respond to her bold declaration. “They is my nanny,” she pointed directly at me, her voice filled with certainty as she articulated both my role and my pronouns to a church volunteer. That moment, captured in a community gathering for parents and children, left me—and the volunteer—caught off guard.
“They is my nanny,” Ana* said, her small fingers gesturing toward me as she proudly announced my identity.
The event took place at a local church, where families gathered for play-based activities designed to foster connections between caregivers and young children. A volunteer, unaware of my non-binary identity, had mistakenly assumed I was Ana’s mother. At that instant, I was too stunned to react, my mind racing with a mix of confusion, pride, and warmth as I watched Ana take ownership of her truth.
Before this, Ana had never encountered a non-binary person. Her world was one of binaries, but my presence had already begun to challenge that. She stood up for me in a way that was both surprising and heartwarming, her confidence unshakable even as she defended her 31-year-old caregiver. Meanwhile, my father still calls me “his daughter,” a habit born of habit rather than hostility. It’s not that he resists my identity; he just hasn’t made the effort to adapt.
My journey to embracing non-binary identity began in 2022, four years prior to this moment. It wasn’t an instant revelation but a slow, deliberate awakening. For months, I had quietly explored the idea of gender fluidity, testing pronouns in private conversations. The turning point came when I fell in love with two individuals, Lex* and Jordan*, simultaneously. Our relationship, a triad, led me to redefine my understanding of love and commitment, ultimately bidding farewell to monogamy.
As I delved deeper into my identity, I began questioning the rigid boundaries of gender. My friends, who had already embraced non-binary lives, inspired me. Watching them shed heteronormative expectations and celebrate their authentic selves made it easier to see that I, too, had been living within a framework that no longer fit. I found solace in the idea of gender as a spectrum, a concept that allowed me to feel at home in both my masculine and feminine energies.
At first, I thought my discomfort with being misgendered in public was on behalf of my non-binary friends. But when I shared my truth with a mostly queer circle, they responded with genuine understanding. “This makes so much sense for you,” they said, their support a validation I hadn’t expected. Yet, the transition was less smooth with my family. After coming out as bisexual and then polyamorous, I now faced the challenge of explaining why the term “daughter” no longer felt right.
My parents, though loving, struggled to grasp the full scope of my identity. I opted to send a message through our LGBTQ+ WhatsApp group, a digital space that had become a vital community for thousands of members worldwide. The group, buzzing with news and discussions about LGBTQ+ issues, allowed me to express my thoughts clearly without the pressure of face-to-face conversation.
The response was encouraging. Some messages conveyed joy, others confusion, but all were thoughtful. One parent wrote, “So happy this feels right for you and makes you feel like yourself,” while another noted, “It will take older generations time to understand.” Despite occasional slip-ups in pronoun usage, the majority of people in my life were open to learning. The process, while not seamless, was a step toward acceptance.
My career path also shifted as I embraced my identity. After spending years in the charity sector, I made the decision to transition into childcare in 2025. I was drawn to the energy and freedom that children bring, a dynamic I now find deeply fulfilling. My first experience as a nanny came with a six-month-old, where the parents affectionately called me “Uncle Henna.” Their use of “uncle” instead of “aunt” was a subtle yet meaningful acknowledgment of my non-binary identity.
Since then, I’ve come to cherish the role of being a caregiver. I adore the presence of children in my life, particularly my niblings—children of friends and family whom I consider part of my extended family. One of them is raised without gender labels, a testament to the diversity of family structures in the LGBTQ+ community. Another calls me “yifu,” a Cantonese term blending “aunt” and “uncle.” In Spanish, they refer to me as “tíe,” a gender-neutral word that feels perfectly fitting.
Through Ana and her brother, I’ve seen how children can be the most unexpected allies. They don’t question labels or identities as adults often do; they simply accept what they see. This has been a powerful reminder of the importance of representation and the role we play in shaping young minds. As I continue my work in childcare, I’m inspired by the possibility of creating a space where Ana’s confidence and curiosity can thrive without limits.
The LGBT Foundation, the UK’s leading charity for LGBTQ+ health and wellbeing, offers resources and support for those navigating identity and relationships. Join their “Hope Starts Here” campaign today to be part of a movement that celebrates diversity and fosters understanding. For more information, visit https://lgbt.foundation/hope-starts-here/.
